My Introduction to the Harmonium
The harmonium snuck into my life unexpectedly. But, for its unassuming entrance, it has had a profound and lasting effect on me. Before my first encounter with the instrument, I likely heard the word “harmonium” before in my classical music training in college, (it’s derived from an organ) but not taken any note of it. It wasn’t until my first yoga teacher training, during my first group kirtan that I was formally introduced to this little wooden pump box. What I can recall most from that experience is not the sound of the harmonium, but its effect: a feeling of connectedness, love, and harmony throughout my body and being. In many ways, what is beyond the surface of the harmonium is what led it to become a catalyst for my own growth.
After it’s subtle entrance into my awareness, the harmonium spread into many areas of my life, the way the sound of the instrument itself can permeate a space. The beautiful, rich tone of the harmonium can sneak in from seemingly nowhere, fill you with a feeling of warmth and sustained presence, and linger within you long after the sound subsides. It did the same to me in a larger way. The harmonium influenced my relationship to music, performance, and my voice. It has also bridged the world of sound and spirituality in a way that I have been able to share with others.
So after 11 years after my first encounter with the harmonium, I ask myself, in what specific ways has the harmonium fueled my growth and development?
3 Ways the Harmonium Helped Me Grow
1. Mindfulness and spiritual Practice
Because of its compact size and the ability to play on the floor in a seated position, playing the harmonium isn’t a far cry from sitting in a meditation posture and doing a seated practice. This has allowed me to connect playing and chanting with spiritual practice. Even more directly, playing the harmonium and chanting mantra supports other types of mindfulness based practices. When I teach meditation, people often say what is most challenging for them is the busyness of their minds. Chanting, especially with the soothing accompaniment of simple chords on the harmonium, can remedy a busy mind and clear the way for stillness, allowing me into deeper states of meditation and spiritual connection.
2. Performance Anxiety and Stress
I have had so much performance anxiety throughout my life, partially because I grew up playing music for others in competitions and critical and judgmental spaces. After burning out from making music in college, I found playing the harmonium and singing in the context of kirtan to be a relief and an entryway back into joyful music making. Playing simple chords, even just 2 simultaneous notes, to accompany my singing is often soothing and stress relieving. In part because the instrument is often played while seated on the floor, it can be grounding and again, its association with meditation practice gives me a different association with making music and singing as more of a holistic practice rather than a performance. Also, because of the nature of kirtan and devotional singing as a practice, I have been able to approach sharing music with others in a more meditative, less self-centered way. This has allowed me to develop a new groove in relationship to “performance” as I turn my attention both more inward past the critical, thinking mind, and simultaneously more outward to more of a universal experience and connection with others.
3. Confidence using My Voice
Although I have done some training as a singer, much of my life I often struggled with confidence when using my voice musically. I started formally singing towards the end of high school, taking private lessons and singing in choirs and musicals. Psychologically though, I felt not as good others and “behind” as others as many had started singing in choirs as early as middle school. Similarly in college, even though I studied music primarily as an instrumentalist, I surrounded myself with trained singers and voice majors. Though I thoroughly enjoyed singing in choirs in college I was never quite as good and experienced as my fellow students, thus reinforcing for myself feeling inferior and not worthy as a singer.
After years of practicing, chanting, and singing with the harmonium, I have noticed a significant change in the way I sing. With time, the unwavering, non-judgmental rich sounding support of the harmonium and patient listening allowed me to sustain a warm and resonant tone with my voice as. I would try and blend my voice with the instrument itself and that guided my voice gently over the years. People that have heard me play and sing would often comment that it sounded like my voice was part of the instrument. It has also been a perfect companion for singing, developing more breath control, and helping me see my voice as an instrument itself.
The Deeper Source from Which to Sing
Perhaps most importantly of all though, playing the harmonium has made singing more enjoyable for myself and for others. Over the years, I’ve changed my focus on singing as an anxiety-ridden performance to a more pleasurable, holistic experience. I can now slip into the sound of the instrument as my voice joins the choir of reeds within the harmonium. When I am in this relaxed, flow state, not only does my connection to what I’m doing grow stronger, but also this allows other people to both literally and figuratively resonate with whatever I am tapping into and experience in a way that is personal and meaningful to them. And, I might add, this more calm yet focused state in turn gives me greater access to vocal technique as I find more control, creativity, and better intonation (in-tune-ness) with my voice. The sum total is more of an ability to craft my voice expressively and at the same time find a deeper source from which to sing.